26
Disembarking from the plane, weary from travel, even though it wasn’t that far, all Anette could think was how unbelievably happy she was to be home. It was as though she had kept herself wound tight in Finland, worried and unsafe, and now that she was in Sweden, she felt so much more relaxed, safe, and the tugging in her mind that had made her constantly look over her shoulder in Finland was gone. She strode down the hall with the other passengers who had been on the same flight, reveling in the fact that at the moment, she blended into the crowd. She turned the corner to baggage claim, searching for the familiar faces of her family, and was taken mildly by surprise when she felt small arms wrapping around her middle. Smiling and feeling a part of her that had been empty while she was gone fill up with love for her son, she wrapped her arms around him in return.
“Seth, you gotta let me get my bags!” she said with a laugh, not really wanting him to let go. He released her and started talking a mile a minute.
“Did you have a good trip? What happened? What did you see? Where did you go? How’s Emppu?”
She laughed again and steered him over towards the conveyor belts. “I’ll tell you all about it when we get home, okay?” she promised him. “Where’s your dad?” Seth stood on his tiptoes, scanning the crowd, and then pointed out his father triumphantly. Anette made her way over to him, Seth trailing behind, the warmth inside her diminishing. Fredrik wasn’t watching as she approached, keeping his eyes on the opening from which her bags would emerge. She stood next to him, but neither said anything for a long time, until finally Fredrik spoke.
“So how was your trip?” He didn’t sound like he really wanted to know, or that he cared. He didn’t even look at her when he asked, his voice flat.
“Fine.” Her reply was curt, despite the hurt she felt at Fredrik’s coldness. They didn’t speak again until they got to the car, Anette instead focusing on her son, and Fredrik not focusing on anything.
“I found an apartment.”
It had come out of the blue. The air between Anette and Fredrik was so tense it could be cut with a knife. Those four words twisted Anette’s heart. It’s actually happening, she thought.
“Where?” she asked.
“Helsingborg.” He kept his eyes straight ahead, focused on the road, and Anette watched his profile. He was distant, cold, something Anette had rarely seen with him. She looked away.
“I see.” She didn’t know what she should say.
“Most of my stuff is already there, there’s only a few boxes left.” He glanced at her, the first time he’d looked at her since she’d arrived. It was like her brain just shut down. She couldn’t speak to him, she could barely think straight. Tears filled her eyes and she leaned her head on the window, hoping Fredrik wouldn’t notice. He braked the car and she saw that they were at her house. Blinking back those tears, she turned to Fredrik and smiled, hoping it looked sincere, but knowing that it didn’t.
“This is what’s best, remember?” he said. She didn’t say anything, just opened her door and got out, moving to the back of the car as Fredrik popped the trunk and obtaining her suitcase. Seth went around back to help her, and she gave him her purse to carry and headed back to the passenger side door.
“So when will you pick up the rest of your stuff?” she asked through the window Fredrik had rolled down.
“I’ll be here sometime tomorrow. And I’ve asked for full custody of Seth.” Anette felt like she’d just been kicked, but she knew that it would have to be that way with her touring with Nightwish all the time. She fought the sadness clawing at her throat, not willing to let herself cry in front of Fredrik, or Seth, and nodded her head, turning away and heading to the door of her home as Fredrik drove off. Seth came up to her, looking worried.
“What’s wrong, mom?”
She shook her head, reminding herself that she had to be strong in front of her son, and forced a smile onto her face.
“Nothing, Seth. How about some supper?”
Not looking entirely convinced, Seth agreed and went back to the door, his mother following behind, struggling to suppress her sorrow.
The food was cooking, Seth was watching TV, and Anette was sitting at the table, her mind buzzing. She reached for the cordless phone and typed in a number, detached, not even aware of whose number she punched in until he picked up.
“Moikka,” he said.
“Tuomas?”
“Oh, Anette! Hey!” He seemed surprised to hear from her. She was surprised she called him, too.
“Hey. How are you?”
“Pretty good. Just got home a little while ago. How about you?”
“Oh, I just got home too. Not so good though.”
“Why, what’s wrong?” She could hear the concern in his voice. She didn’t know how she should explain.
“I don’t know, it’s Fredrik, and he got an apartment.” She mentally kicked herself for the weakness in her voice.
“Oh, Anette. I’m sorry.”
Anette leaned on the table, pinching the bridge of her nose. “So am I. He wants full custody of Seth, too. I guess it’s only right, I don’t know what I thought would happen.”
There was silence for a moment on the other end of the line, and Anette realized how awkward this must be for Tuomas. Why did she call him in the first place?
“Are you going to be okay?” Tuomas asked her before she could apologize, his voice coloured with genuine caring.
“I…I don’t know.” She wanted to say she would be fine, but she couldn’t. An overpowering feeling of helplessness came over her. Everything was going wrong at once, and none of it was in her control. Tuomas didn’t say anything for a moment, and Anette wondered what he was thinking.
“Well, if it would help…I could stay with you for a few days,” he said slowly, at last. She could hear typing on a keyboard at his end and smiled to herself, even as she felt she could burst with gratitude.
“Oh, Tuomas, would you?”
“Of course! I can book a flight that will leave in a few hours. Does that work?”
“Yes, yes of course!” She was excited, and unbelievably happy. She had good friends, of course she did, but she’d never had one who would go to such lengths to cheer her up.
“Great! E-mail me directions to your house from the airport and I’ll see you in a few hours!”
Anette agreed and they said good-bye, and then she made her way to the computer, bringing up her e-mail and Mapquest. In her inbox was a message from Ewo with details for their show in Gothenburg in a couple weeks and an e-mail from Emppu, checking to make sure that she’d made it home alright. She printed off Ewo’s e-mail so that she wouldn’t forget, and then replied to Emppu’s, telling him that Tuomas was coming over, before clicking onto Mapquest and sending Tuomas the directions to her house.
Now that it was night and Seth was in bed, Anette could have some quiet time. She was laying down on the couch, reading by the light of a single lamp, when there came a soft knock at the door. Hurrying over to answer it, Anette motioned Tuomas in, telling him to be quiet.
“Seth’s already in bed, and he’s a pretty light sleeper.”
“Oh, right. I’ll keep that in mind,” said Tuomas with a smile.
Anette was feeling better now that some time had passed and she had cooled down a bit, but she was still unbelievably happy to see the face of the maestro.
“So I’ll just show you to your room, then? I mean, just to drop your stuff off.” She gestured to the small bag he had in one hand. He nodded and she led the way up the stairs, pointing out which room was which.
“This is the bathroom,” she said, pointing to the first door on the right.
“I gathered,” grinned Tuomas. Anette smiled.
“Well, not everyone does. So across from it is Seth’s room. Then there’s your room, beside Seth’s, and mine’s just across the hall.”
“Great!” Tuomas went to the guest room and Anette waited in the hallway, and when he returned, he was empty-handed, save for a movie he was carrying. “I thought we could watch this.” He held it up and Anette saw that it was Hidalgo. She laughed a little bit.
“You remembered my thing for horses, eh? I’ve already seen it, but I wouldn’t mind seeing it again.”
“Well, if there’s something you’d rather watch, we can watch that instead.” He looked a bit hurt.
“Have you ever seen The Brave One?” Anette asked.
“No, I haven’t.”
“Well, that’s a movie I’d like to watch again. I’ll tell you what, we watch Hidalgo first and then The Brave One. Sound good?”
“Sure!” Tuomas perked up and headed down the stairs ahead of Anette, who stopped to check and make sure that Seth was alright before heading downstairs.
Anette awoke with a start the next morning only to realize that she’d slept in.
“Oh great,” she mumbled, throwing off the covers and headed to the on-suite bathroom to have a quick shower, turning the water until it was almost unbearably hot, which was exactly how she liked it. Removing her pajamas and stepping into the water, she reveled in the burning sensation the water traced across her skin as it hit her. When she’d adjusted to the temperature, she quickly washed her hair, face and body and stepped out, not wanting to keep Seth or Tuomas waiting for breakfast. She speedily blow-dried her hair and then got dressed, choosing today to wear a plain black t-shirt and jeans. Simple worked. She went down the stairs quietly to find Tuomas and Seth sitting in the living room, Seth explaining one of his toy cars and Tuomas listening attentively. She couldn’t suppress her smile, because it was just such a cute sight to see. Tuomas noticed her standing in the stairs watching them and looked at her, looking happier than she’d ever seen him, the kid at his heart shining in his eyes. She grinned back at him and stepped off the stairs.
“Okay, boys, what do you want for breakfast?”
Seth turned around and beamed at her. “I want pancakes!” he said, and Anette laughed.
“Well, we should ask our guest what he wants, right Seth?” Seth seemed to pout a bit.
“Alright,” he said, grudgingly. “What do you want for breakfast, Tuomas?”
“Pancakes sounds good to me too.” He winked at Seth, smile growing at the gratitude in Seth’s face, and stood, walking over to Anette. “I’ll help you out in the kitchen.”
The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. The three of them headed out and Anette and Seth showed Tuomas around town, and other than a few fans stopping them to ask for autographs (surely Seth’s proclaiming loudly that they were Nightwish didn’t help), not much happened. It was evening when Fredrik decided to come by and pick up the last of his things, and seeing Tuomas sitting on the couch watching TV with Seth didn’t sit well with him. He grabbed Anette by the arm and dragged her into the kitchen.
“What the fuck is this?” he demanded, gesturing in the direction of the living room.
“Nothing. Tuomas came over for a few days. He’s leaving soon.” She didn’t want Fredrik to be angry, but she knew exactly what he thought was happening. He snorted in disbelief.
“Yeah, you expect me to believe that. We’re not even fully divorced yet and you’re already fucking your band mates.”
“Why should it matter to you? You’re the one who cheated on me while we were still married,” she spat, anger flooding her mind. Fredrik looked like he’d just been slapped.
“I told you, it was once…”
Anette cut him off before he could finish his overused excuse. “How am I meant to know what you do while I’m gone? Did you fuck her in our bed? On our couch? Is that whose apartment you’re moving into?” She was so angry that she was crying, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. “You have no right to be pissed off because I have a friend over here, and what we do while you’re gone is none of your business. You and I, we’re separated, Fredrik. The divorce papers are almost finalized. I don’t owe you anything.”
The two of them stood in stony silence for awhile, Anette drying her tears with the back of her hand.
“Look, I’m sorry,” Fredrik said softly, reaching out for her, but his words fell dead as Anette moved away from him and he let his hand drop limply to his side. “Can’t we just rethink this whole thing?”
“Sorry isn’t always good enough, Fredrik. You broke my heart once, and I’m not going to let you do that again.” Inside, the finality of Anette’s words stung her too, but she didn’t show her weakness to her ex-husband.
“Fine.” Fredrik left, stomping out the door with two boxes in hand, and Anette felt like she was completely deflated. She sat down at the table, buried her face in her hands and cried.
