Angels Fall First

18

Finally Thursday came, meaning the first concert since she’d been attacked three weeks ago. She had been over-thinking it all through Wednesday, withdrawn, lost in all the nightmares of what might go wrong. Surely he wouldn’t show his face though, and even if he did, he wouldn’t dare attack her before or after the concert. In fact, she probably wouldn’t even recognize him if he was there, given the setting. She consoled herself with this and never spoke her worries to the other band members, not wanting to cause them undue concern. When she went for soundcheck, though, everything seemed to fall into place and she could feel nothing but the joy in the music flooding around her. She and Emppu joked around and slow danced on the floor while Marco sang While Your Lips Are Still Red, though Emppu was a hopeless dancer and stepped on Anette’s feet so often that she finally just gave up.

“You’re an atrocious dancer!” she teased and Emppu grinned.

“Only when I’m dancing with you!” He ran a few steps away and laughed. “You run like a girl!” he said when Anette tried to chase him but had to stop because of her high heels.

“You may have won the battle…” she raised her fist in mock-threat. “But you haven’t won the war!”

“You guys,” Marco said through the mic. “Stop fooling around and let’s get back to this.” He tried to sound stern, but Anette could hear the laughter in his voice.

“Oh, alright,” she replied with an over-dramatic sigh, stomping back to the stage so they could finish soundcheck.

The crowd was screaming as the intro music started.

“You ready?” Jukka asked, lightly grabbing her arm. Anette smiled weakly, but couldn’t speak through the butterflies in her stomach. He smiled back at her and walked off to talk to Marco.

“Guess who?” said a voice as hands covered her eyes. She had a brief moment of panic before grinning.

“Tuomas, come on.” The hands withdrew and she turned to look into Tuomas’ smiling face.

“You ready for this?” he asked, excitement dancing in his eyes. She nodded mutely as the butterflies rose again. She was almost as nervous now as she had been before her first gig with Nightwish. That night was distinctly clear in her mind, the way her heart was in her throat and her stomach was in a knot. How there came a moment when she felt she just could not go on stage, and the worry that she would disappoint the rest of the band nearly suffocated her, but the thought of the four guys on stage, waiting for her, putting all their support with her, had motivated her, had convinced her that she could handle anything as long as they were on her side. She remembered how she had relaxed as soon as she entered the stage and the crowd cheered for her, how they had started chanting her name, and how she had been completely overwhelmed by it, how she couldn’t believe that she had been accepted, just like that. She remembered Tuomas, just as dumb-struck as she, and Emppu, triumphant, because he had claimed all along that she would do fantastically and would win them over. She reminded herself of that, even though the circumstances and cause for her fear were completely different now. She reminded herself that no matter what, these four guys were there for her. Tuomas gave her a quick hug and whispered, “Everything’s going to go great, don’t worry.” It was as though he read her thoughts.

She stood alone backstage now, twisting her hands in nervousness and waiting for her “cue” to go on-stage. It came, that moment where the song sped up, and she stepped onto the stage, smiling, waving at the crowd, acting as though everything was fine and just how it was before. She felt fake, stiff, and forced herself to relax and just let the music run through her like she always did. As soon as she did, all the nervousness was gone, and with a smile, she started singing.

“Finally the hills are without eyes, they are tired of painting a dead man’s face red with their own blood.”

Emppu stood beside her, indicating to the crowd that they should scream louder, and Anette wrapped an arm around his shoulders, taking a quick glance at him. He had his arms folded and looked triumphantly at the crowd, as though he were bragging the she was half-hugging him and not them. She smiled wider and drew her arm away, walking to the other end of the stage, where, upon her arrival, Marco turned and ran to the other side.

“They used to love having so much to lose. Blink your eyes just once and see everything in ruins.”

And so it went as the band tore through the setlist, first Bye Bye Beautiful, then Dark Chest of Wonders, then Whoever Brings the Night. It wasn’t until Amaranth  that she noticed him. It wasn’t until Amaranth that things went wrong.

The blue eyes, the paralyzing blue eyes, had just as much power now as they did then, sending a shock of terror straight through her, causing her to falter in the lyrics. Marco cast her a worried glance, but the band kept playing as Anette stood mute with fear, clutching the microphone so tightly that her knuckles were white. Her attacker smiled from the front row, showing his eye teeth, obviously pleased at the effect his being there had on her. She raised the mic to her mouth to continue singing, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away from his, couldn’t break the spell he had on her, the fear that had her rooted to the spot, and she found that even if she tried, she couldn’t sing.  It took all her willpower to step back, and it was as if the movement broke the petrifaction, because a few more steps and she dropped the microphone, a few more and she was off the stage, a few more and she had her back against the wall, sliding down, hugging her legs to her chest and resting her head on her knees, high-strung, wanting to cry but unable to because of the terror coursing its way through her blood. She heard heavy footsteps running toward her. She couldn’t make herself look up, but clutched her legs tighter and squeezed her eyes shut, silently praying.

Pleasedon’thurtmepleasedon’thurtmepleasedon’thurtme

A heavy hand fell on her shoulder, but she still wouldn’t look up, not until she heard his voice.

“Anette, what’s wrong?” Ewo. Relief surged through her and she looked up into his concerned face. She opened her mouth to tell him, but the words were stuck in her throat, and that’s when the tears started. She heard Marco from the stage saying that they had to take a quick break but they’d be playing again as soon as possible, and suddenly Tuomas was there, kneeling in front of her, worry etched into every line in his face, Emppu not two steps behind, looking just as worried.

“What happened?!” he asked.

Anette took a deep, shuddering breath, closed her eyes and loosened her grip on her legs. She heard Marco and Jukka approach and opened her eyes.

“The…the man who…he’s…front row…”

They seemed to understand her, because Marco, who had been leaned over, straightened and his face darkened, as did the faces of the others, though Marco’s was the most apparent.

“Anette, we’re only five songs into the setlist. Do you…do you think you can do the rest?” Tuomas’ voice was soft despite his anger. Anette shook her head silently, tears spilling down her cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” she said, so quietly she worried he may not have heard it. She was genuinely sorry, because she had let the band down, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to sing when the man who had attacked her stood so close, and the memories were overpowering. Tuomas nodded as though that were the answer he had been expecting and turned to Marco.

“Let’s do While Your Lips Are Still Red right now, then, and we’ll have to find more songs for you to do on your own, because we have to give them a show at least.”

Marco nodded and he and Jukka stepped on to the stage as Emppu took a seat beside Anette. Tuomas leaned over and whispered in Anette’s ear, “Don’t worry, we won’t let anything happen to you.” He wrapped an arm around her in a clumsy form of a hug and then went back onto the stage.

Leaning into Emppu and closing her eyes as the tears spilled down her face and the fear still sang through her bones, she could only hope they would be able to not let anything happen to her.