Archive for January, 2008

Chapter 7

{ January 31, 2008 @ 4:54 am } · { Fellowship }
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7

Jukka was pacing again, because apparently that was what he did when he was anxious. The revelation of Anette’s attack had been difficult to bear, but his and Marco’s sleuthing to find out who would have done this to her kept him from truly thinking about what she had experienced. This, though, this was too much. Marco sat on the bed with the note crumpled in his right fist. Jukka had always found it interesting how Marco’s initial reaction was never one of pity or empathy for the victim, but rage towards the attacker. In a way, perhaps this was better, since Tuomas had sunk into a deep depression, doubtlessly empathetic for the still-emotionally-bruised Anette, Emppu worried constantly about her and never left her side, and Jukka tended to freeze up when matters got bad, and this exceeded bad. It was only right that one of the band members should initiate a counter-strike.

Jukka was absolutely certain that the expression on Anette’s face when she’d entered the room would be forever burned straight into his brain. He had never seen anyone look so terrified, panicked and tormented. It had been early afternoon at the time, and Tuomas had gone to meet Tarja as the other three men stayed in the room playing Playstation. Anette had knocked on the door, knocked and knocked and knocked, until Jukka, had finally gotten up, convincing Marco, whom he was racing against, to hit pause, and opened the door to find an absolutely petrified Anette holding a sheet of paper so tightly in her hands that her knuckles were white. Jukka hadn’t questioned, merely ushered her into the room and Emppu and Marco had grown alert at the mere sight of her. She hadn’t loosened her grip on the paper until Emppu gently pried it from her hands. As he took the paper, it was as though a lever had been switched and Anette had broken down in tears, even as Emppu’s face darkened as he read the paper.

 The words of that letter had been enough to make Jukka cringe and hand the paper away the instant he read the first line. Anette left, after drying her tears, to find Tuomas, who was supposed to be in the café in the lobby. Emppu had tried to tag along, but Anette told him that he needn’t worry because nothing would happen to her in the hotel, so he had grudgingly agreed and let Anette go, and then sat and stewed over the contents of the letter Anette had received with Marco and Jukka. A few minutes later, Tuomas arrived, panic apparent in his eyes. Anette had delivered her message, indeed, and Tuomas was already anticipating what this might mean.
“Give me the note,” he said as soon as he walked into the room, though it was obvious he really would rather not have read it. The determination in his entire demeanor showed, however, that he knew this was necessary and he reluctantly took the paper which Marco held out for him. Jukka watched Tuomas’ face grow pale with increasing horror as he read the letter. He mouthed the words as he read, his hands starting to shake with either anger or empathy, though Jukka couldn’t tell which. When he finished reading it, he threw the paper away from him in disgust and it fluttered weakly to the floor, where Emppu picked it up. 

“You know you liked it, you filthy dog, and we know you want more, so we’re more than willing to give it to you,” Emppu read aloud, pausing here as he tried to gain his resolve to finish reading it. Something about the words being read aloud made them seem more real, made every detail stand out. Jukka could see Marco clenching and unclenching his fists, much as he had the day Anette had told Tuomas what had happened to her, as Tuomas sat in a chair looking like his heart was breaking. Emppu’s facial expression grew increasingly distressed as he read the letter to them.
“We will fuck you until you can’t walk. You won’t be able to speak for how you’ll scream. Every single place on your body will ache with the memory of what we will do to you…” Emppu trailed off, unable to finish. He closed his eyes as if he suffered from a sudden and abrupt headache.
“Where is she now, Tuomas?” he said into the deep silence which had fallen over the room.
“With Tarja,” Tuomas replied, resting his elbows on his knees and burying his face in his hands. Jukka looked up sharply at that, but said nothing as he realized that being with Tarja was safer than being on her own, even if it was a bit odd. No one said anything for a long time as the words of the rape threat Anette had received weighed down on their minds and they thought of how to deal with it.  

The silence had grown so deep you could hear a pin drop when Anette arrived back at the room, slipping in quietly, but in the silent room, every noise seemed loud. Jukka looked up at her, mildly surprised to see she was holding up. She said nothing but sat down on the bed next to Emppu and leaned her head on his shoulder. Emppu seemed a little bit surprised by this, because lately Anette had not touched anyone of her own volition at all. This could only have meant that despite the threat she had received today, something had taken at least part of that off her mind. Jukka broke the silence by asking the question that was surely at least somewhere in all their minds.
“So what did you and Tarja talk about?”
This mere question seemed to break the tension in the room and everyone visibly relaxed. Taking her head off of Emppu’s shoulder, Anette replied, “Nothing really. But she told me to call her if I needed anything, which I thought was odd.” Tuomas had looked up when Anette started speaking, looking somewhat startled that Tarja would offer such a thing. Indeed, it was a bit shocking, for surely that could not be the same person they had last spoken to three and half years ago! Emppu and Tuomas exchanged a glance which seemed to say the same thing, but it looked like Anette had nothing else to say. Before the silence began to fall over them again, Anette rose from the bed and said quietly that she should be leaving. Emppu followed her to the door, the two of them quietly murmuring on their way out, Anette’s voice slightly strained and Emppu’s soothing. When the two of the were gone, Marco shifted in his seat, reaching onto the table to pick up the note.
“What worries me most about this is the constant use of ‘we’,” he said, reading it over again.
“I’d noticed that too,” Jukka replied, knowing what that had to mean, but not about to voice it. Everyone in the room understood the implications of that one word, so there was no reason to say it aloud, though the knowledge hung in the room like a very thick blanket, suffocating them.

Chapter 6

{ January 27, 2008 @ 8:39 am } · { Fellowship }
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6

“And how do you plan to do that?” Marcelo asked as he organized legal documents.
“Meet up with Tuomas? I’m sure it wouldn’t be terribly hard,” Tarja replied, flicking her hair behind her shoulders before leaning over the table to sign her name.
“No, maybe not. But who’s to say he’ll want to see you again?”
“What?” She looked up, her blue eyes blazing. “I’m the one who should be avoiding him! He’d be an idiot to deny me this.”
“He is an idiot, “ Marcelo mumbled under his breath. Tarja ignored him.
“Besides,” she said instead, “I’m curious to meet this Anette woman.” Marcelo looked up sharply at that, but was wise enough to keep his mouth shut. Tarja ignored his glare, instead continuing to sign her name on various documents. The two of them didn’t speak again until Tarja announced she was leaving.
“I’m tired and I have an old friend to meet up with tomorrow,” she said, quickly brushing out of the room, flowing as was what she seemed to do rather than walk, before her husband could protest.

The next morning, when Tarja awoke and had put on her make-up for the day, she  decided she’d write Tuomas a letter to give him a few hours’ notice that they would be meeting up. Sitting down at the desk in the hotel room, she grabbed some stationary that had the hotel’s logo centered at the top of the page. Holding the pen – branded with the hotel’s logo and contact information – thoughtfully to her lips, she tried to think of how to word this letter. Inspiration came to her, and she jotted down a quick note to Tuomas, informing him that she would meet him at the café in the hotel where Nightwish was staying, and that she would greatly enjoy meeting the new singer too. Reading it over, smiling in satisfaction, she tucked it into a nearby envelope, writing Tuomas’ name in big letters on the front, and set out for his hotel.

She was an icon here in Helsinki, and before she’d even traveled halfway, she’d been stopped a dozen times for autographs and pictures. The hotel where Nightwish was staying wasn’t that far, only about four blocks, and by the time she arrived there, Tarja  was irritated by how long it had taken to arrive. She knew that this was what was to be expected with fame, but that didn’t make it any less frustrating. She walked up to the hotel’s front desk and asked the woman, who was looking intently at her computer screen, if she knew which room the band Nightwish was staying in. The woman, without looking up, said, “Just a second ma’am, I’ll be right with you.” This irritated Tarja even more, but she held her tongue, knowing that the woman would regret treating her, Tarja Turunen, ex-singer of Nightwish, like this the moment she realized who she was. Sure enough, the instant the woman looked up, Tarja could see her shame.
“Uhhh…yes. Yes, I – I know what room they’re in,” the woman stammered.
“Good,” said Tarja briskly. “I’d like you to deliver this letter to Tuomas Holopainen – you know him, right? – as soon as humanly possible.” Handing over the envelope, Tarja left the hotel before the woman could say another word.

Killing time for the next 6 hours was difficult as she was anxious for her meeting with Tuomas and (hopefully) Anette. She had to admit, Nightwish’s new lead singer had piqued her curiosity, even if her voice wasn’t to Tarja’s liking exactly. She spent the time reading for about an hour before finally deciding to watch a movie. Choosing a random one that was playing on the satellite TV at her hotel, she settled in for the next two hours. The time flew past, at which point she decided she’d do some shopping, despite the fact that fans would stop her every few seconds. She had to keep herself occupied somehow!

Finally the time she had specified in her letter, 3 o’clock, rolled around. She headed over to the hotel at exactly three, intending to arrive fashionably late, only to find that Tuomas wasn’t there when she arrived. Worry flooded through her mind momentarily that she had been stood up and would look like a fool now, but she took a seat in the café anyway, ordering an Earl Grey tea from the bumbling waiter. She kept her eyes focused on the lobby as if that would make Tuomas appear, but as half an hour passed, Tarja had given up hope. She was ready to just leave when she Tuomas striding over in her direction. He wasn’t smiling. A small frown creased her perfect forehead, worried that he didn’t want to see her at all.

He arrived and took a seat without saying a word except to order a coffee from the waiter. When it arrived, he stared moodily into its depths until Tarja felt forced to break the silence.
“I see you didn’t bring Anette.”
“She’s not well,” he said, too quickly.
“Even so, I should still like to meet her. Perhaps you could bring me up to her room later?” Tarja asked, not knowing why she felt she had to speak to the person who had taken her place. Tuomas looked up from his coffee, a warning look in his eyes.
“I don’t know that that would be –”
“Say, isn’t that her there?” Tarja interrupted, gesturing to a woman who was walking in a beeline to their table. Tuomas watched the woman approach, frowning with worry at the sight of the terror on her face.
“What’s wrong?” he asked her. Her gaze flicked briefly to Tarja before she leaned over and whispered in his ear. He shot to his feet, panic and fear in his eyes at whatever she told him and he walked off, quickly, in the direction of the elevators, leaving the woman standing there watching him. Tarja watched these events unfold without a word, though curiosity tore at her. Finally, she noticed that the woman was still there, watching the direction Tuomas had walked in, fear still painted plainly upon her face.
“I’m Tarja, by the way,” she said, smiling at the woman. This seemed to draw her out of her daze and she smiled in return, though she still seemed slightly afraid.
“I know,” she said. “I’m Anette.”
Tarja had assumed as much and so invited the new singer of Nightwish to take a seat where Tuomas had just been. Anette seemed hesitant, but she did anyway.

The conversation they had was an awkward, to say the least, but by the end of it, they had warmed to each other. Anette seemed constantly to be afraid of something, and haunted, her smiles and laughter seemed forced. This irked Tarja, but more than anything, it intrigued her. This woman had dealt with something recently, something important, and Tarja was desperate to know what. She knew it was too soon to ask, since they had only just met each other and Anette might still think Tarja held some kind of grudge against her, so instead Tarja took it slow, painfully walking through the small talk, asking Anette about her family and answering like questions, until well over an hour had passed. Realizing the time, Tarja said she should be off and saw sudden panic well up inside Anette’s eyes. That struck her as odd, but Tarja just smiled and said, “If you ever need anything, or just want to talk, just give me a call. Tuomas can tell you where I’m staying, I left that information in the letter I sent him.” Anette said nothing, but nodded, looking down at her hands. Tarja decided that if Anette didn’t call her, she would call Anette, because the mystery of what Anette had faced was bothering her and she wouldn’t leave this unsolved.

Chapter 5

{ January 26, 2008 @ 4:28 am } · { Fellowship }
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5

 

Marco had watched the whole thing transpire, though he’d not heard what Anette had said. He and Jukka had discussed it with Tuomas, discussed the possibilities of what might have happened to Anette, until it was driven to the ground. It was then that they convinced Tuomas to go talk to her. He, of course, hadn’t wanted to. That was something Marco could never understand; how Tuomas would be dying of curiosity, but never ask the question that would satisfy it. The two of them were very different people, and perhaps that was why they got along so well.

It had been a bother to him, the change in Anette. He had once thought she spoke too much, but that would be better any day than her not speaking at all, which was essentially what had happened to her recently. Each time he saw her, he would try to get her to open up and be her old self, at least to some degree, but he never could. None of them could, though Emppu would sometimes come close. The two of them were almost inseparable lately, and for some reason, Marco was envious. Why did she trust Emppu and not them? Did she consider him to be superiour or something? Every time he thought this, Marco would chide himself for thinking such thoughts. Anette had her reasons, and she clearly wasn’t in the best state of mind, so whatever comfort she found and who she found it with was her business and was better than her not trusting anyone at all.

Marco and Jukka stuck together for the most part now, merely because they felt like the two outsiders of the whole affair going on with Anette. Though Tuomas didn’t know what had happened to her specifically, he had seen her shortly after and so had a different impression than the drummer and bassist did. Despite feeling left out, Marco did everything he felt he could respectfully do to cheer Anette up, which often involved physical contact – a touch on the shoulder, a hug – because he knew that this often helped people going through rough times, reminding them that they were not alone.

Since the beginning, Tuomas had been stand-offish, seemingly avoiding Anette and the problems she might be facing. That was what had prompted Marco and Jukka to convince him to ask her, for no matter how they quizzed Emppu, he would tell them nothing.
“Tuomas,” Marco had said, walking up to the songwriter in their room once Anette and Emppu had holed themselves up in her room to – presumably – talk. “You need to ask Anette what’s going on. No way will things get better if we don’t find out, and obviously she isn’t going to talk to us first.” Tuomas had seemed about to disagree, when something softened in his eyes, and Marco had realized that Tuomas had known all along.
“Why haven’t you talked to her yet, anyway?”
“Haven’t had the chance,” mumbled Tuomas.
“There’s been loads of chances. You’re just too scared, aren’t you?”
Tuomas had said nothing, but his silence was answer enough. Marco patted him on the back and said, “Tomorrow. Ask her tomorrow. For our own peace of minds.”

Now the moment of truth had come. Marco watched as Tuomas rose and walked over to Anette and Emppu joined him and Jukka by the laptop. The three of them watched the exchange between the vocalist and the poet, though the two spoke so quietly nothing could be heard. Marco glanced quickly at his companions, Jukka looking mildly curious and Emppu looking extremely worried. He brought his attention back to Tuomas and Anette, she looking at the floor and Tuomas watching her. She looked up and said three words, falling into silence as tears began to spill down her cheeks though her eyes never left Tuomas’ face, gauging his reaction. She said one last thing and walked out of the room. Emppu rose and darted after her, resting a hand momentarily on Tuomas’ arm as he passed. Tuomas stood there for a long time after Emppu and Anette left, before slowly walking back to where the other two men sat, anxiety fraying the corners of Marco’s mind.

Tuomas took a seat in the chair where Emppu had been sitting, in a daze, looking crushed. Marco didn’t want to pressure him into telling them what Anette had said, but he had to ask. “What did she say?” Tuomas looked at him, his eyes filling with tears before he squeezed them shut. Eyes still shut, he replied, “It’s…I don’t know what…I don’t know how to say it.” He visibly swallowed and opened his eyes again, obviously pained.
“Just say it,” Marco said, more worried than before. It had to be something really terrible to affect Tuomas this strongly. He glanced over at Jukka, who was watching Tuomas intently. Tuomas’ eyes were downcast, focusing on his hands which were folded palm-up in his lap.
“Tell us, Tuomas,” said Jukka.
Tuomas’ gaze flicked up and landed on Jukka’s face momentarily before going back to his hands. He said nothing for a long time, apparently lost in thought. Finally, right as Marco was losing his patience, Tuomas said hesitantly, without looking up, “She was…she was…raped.” It took a moment for it to sink in, what that word meant had happened Anette, and when it did, Marco was frozen by shock for a brief moment before his mind exploded in rage. “I will…kill the person who did this to her,” he said through gritted teeth.

Tuomas still hadn’t looked up, Jukka had jumped to his feet and was now pacing back and forth across the room, obviously distressed by this knowledge. Marco sat fuming in his chair, unsure whether to go comfort Anette now or to hunt down the bastard who had done such a horrible thing to her. He clenched and unclenched his fists repeatedly, trying to calm his anger so that he might think straight and not do anything rash.
“So what do we do now?” Jukka asked abruptly, taking a seat on one of the beds.
“Now we find the dead man who did this to her,” Marco said with an icy coldness in his voice.

Chapter 4

{ January 24, 2008 @ 7:18 am } · { Fellowship }
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4

She knew she should tell them and that Emppu was right, but she could never find a way to bring it up, or the will to face their reactions. Anette had seen Emppu’s expression when she told him, and that in itself had nearly been more than she could handle. It had been a combination of pity, anger and confusion. She didn’t want to place the other band members, her friends, into this same position, but she knew that not telling them achieved nearly the same effect.

The thought of how to tell them rolled around in her mind quite often, when the event itself was not, though she never could think of either how to bring it up or how she could handle explaining things. She stuck by Emppu’s side for the most part, or Emppu stuck to her. Regardless, they stuck together and were rarely seen apart, nor did Anette want to be parted from the side of the only person she knew she could trust right now. Emppu kept her from falling into her memories and succumbing to her grief, and any extended amount of time away from him would find her breaking down. She knew she must be a burden to him, as he was the only person who knew, and she also knew that if the other band members knew, they’d support just as he had, so why was it so hard to tell them?

Having come to the conclusion that she must tell them, Anette prepared herself to face the onslaught of questions, desperately hoping she wouldn’t cry, though she felt she might right now and she’d not even approached them. Emppu stood beside her, a hand on her arm, grounding her to the present reality. She was stopped at the doorway, her stomach doing a flip at the thought of what she was about to do, what she was about to say. She stood there but couldn’t move, instead every sinew in her telling her to run away, to get out of this mess she was in and leave everyone out of it. She would have, too, had it not been for Emppu beside her, gently pushing her forward with his hand. Taking a deep breath around the lump that had grown in her throat, she took a hesitant step forward.

Tuomas glanced up, purpose filling his eyes at the sight of her. He rose from the chair where he was sitting, reading a book, and walked over to Anette. He cast a meaningful glance at Emppu over Anette’s shoulder, and the blonde-haired guitarist went over to Marco and Jukka, who were seated around the laptop, presumably watching videos. Anette watched him go, immediately losing the will to tell Tuomas what happened. It was as if Emppu was the only thing that gave her strength and with his departure, even if it was only across the room, so had her strength left. She looked up into Tuomas’ piercing eyes, trying desperately not to imagine what his face would look like after he heard. She glanced at Emppu over his shoulder and found his eyes on her, watching to see if she would do as she promised.

“Tuomas, I –” she began.

“Anette, we need –” he said at the same time.

She glanced into his eyes and let a silence fall between them. Tuomas picked up on this and, his gaze flicking to the floor, said, “We need to talk…about…about that day.”

Anette didn’t know whether to feel relieved or embarrassed. She squeezed her eyes shut against the flash of vivid memories that suddenly assaulted her. This was it, she had to tell him, and she had to tell him now.

Her eyes found the floor as she struggled to find the words to tell Tuomas what had happened. He watched her patiently, compassionately, empathetically, though he could not know what he empathized for. She knew he did this, because she knew him. She knew him as he once knew her, but could not any longer, for who she once was no longer existed, except perhaps as a distant memory. Did he know this? It hurt her, to think of the innocence he still held inside, no matter what his claims. That innocence was plain to be seen in his eyes. A tear rolled down Anette’s face as she looked back into Tuomas’ eyes, opening her mouth to tell him but finding the words caught in her throat. Swallowing though her mouth was dry, she whispered, nearly inaudibly, “I’ve been raped.”

And she watched as his innocence and hope broke.

Chapter 3

{ January 21, 2008 @ 6:08 am } · { Fellowship }
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3

Emppu could still clearly see Anette’s face from the day that she told him. He always saw her face then when he looked at her now. Even from a distance, it took all his willpower not to go up to her and give her a hug and tell her that everything would be fine. He knew he was the only one she had told and the only one she spoke to at all, though most conversations, even the most innocent ones of the weather or politics, would lead to her crying. Emppu could almost feel her emotional pain, and it twisted a knife in his gut to see her like this. He often had the feeling that she had left something out when she told him, though, because though someone who had been victimized as she had been would be broken, might be beyond repair, they would not be as afraid as Anette was. She was scared of something, or someone, and Emppu wished above all that he knew who or what so he could put an end to her torment and deal with the problem.

“He enjoyed…he wanted me to…he wanted me to…he told me to scream for him, Emppu” she had said, tears filling her eyes anew. “He would…he would…” her voice had broken, and she had covered her face with her hands as silent sobs shook her body. He had never seen her cry like this before, and he had never seen anyone so pained. Then and there, Emppu had vowed that he would find the man who had done this to her and make him pay. Anette had made him promise not to tell anyone what had happened, not even the rest of the band or Ewo, and he had promised, and kept his promise, because he wanted her to find safety in someone, and if that someone was him, then so be it. She stayed in her room for the most part now, flinching whenever anyone approached her, sometimes even Emppu himself. Each time she did this, Emppu would feel a stab of sympathy so painful it brought tears to his eyes. She was the one who used to freely bestow hugs on them all, the one who would kiss them on the cheek whenever she was leaving a building and they were not, now she was the one avoiding such things. There was something so…wrong with the world when someone such as Anette feared human contact.

The conversation they had had that fateful day, when Anette told him what had happened to her, would often play itself over in Emppu’s head. The knowledge he alone held weighed down on him, and his normally cheery face had grown hard and unkind. It was nearly impossible to smile when such a thing had happened to someone so close to him, a member of his second family, and when it had such destructive effects so as to completely turn her personality around. He wished she would tell the rest of the band, for it was apparent that they were confused about the change in her, and curious as to how she had broken her nose and received a black eye, enraged at someone for doing such a thing to her though they didn’t even know half the story, but he understood why she didn’t want to tell them. She hadn’t wanted to tell him in the first place either, because she didn’t want to burden anyone else with her problems. She thought that it would hurt them more to know what had happened to her than to merely deal with the result, and she was probably right, but they still should know. If things were to be better than they were with Tarja, there had to be trust, and it was wrong that anyone in the band be kept in the dark about something as important as this.

Then there was Tuomas, who hadn’t done anything to show he cared. He had seen her almost at her worst since the attack, in fact immediately following it, and he had not once shown support for her, nor inquired as to what happened. Emppu knew that Tuomas found it difficult to initiate a conversation of the proportions that the one with Anette would be, but he should know that this was more important than anything that had happened to the band before. Emppu could only be so much for her, and though Anette had closed herself off from others, he could tell that in a way she was reaching out for more support, though it was something she would never ask for. Emppu resisted the urge to push him to talk to her, because he knew the poet would get around to it when he was capable of it. Sometimes working with Tuomas was infuriating.

It wasn’t until a week had passed that Emppu dared broach the subject of telling the other band members what had happened to Anette. “Anette,” he said, finding her sitting silently in the café Tuomas had been in the day of her attack. She absently held a cup of green tea, but it didn’t seem like she had taken a sip. She merely stared into its liquid depths. Emppu didn’t want to know what she was thinking about, but he had a feeling he knew very well what it was. “Anette,” he said again, softer, taking a seat across the table from her. She looked up briefly from her tea before again looking down. Her black eye was much less noticeable now, a shade of dark red on her pale skin, and her broken nose was healing nicely.
“Anette, you need to tell them what happened. At least Ewo. He can’t keep canceling shows for reasons he isn’t aware of.” He watched her face as he said this, but her expression didn’t change and her head remained downcast. She didn’t say anything for a long time, and when she did, she didn’t look up.
“I don’t think I’m able to talk about it, Emppu.”
Her voice was carefully emotionless, though Emppu could hear her straining against the fear and pain that was no doubt welling up inside her. He reached out a hand and lightly placed it on her arm. She didn’t flinch, thankfully.
“You have to. You have to talk about it, because this isn’t fair to the guys. I know it’s hard for you, but they need to know. If you don’t want to tell them, I can. They should hear it from you though.” He took his hand back, crossing his arms in front of him on the table. Anette pursed her lips, but said nothing. “Anette,” Emppu said quietly, “If you can talk to me, you can talk to them.” She shook her head very slightly and looked up, meeting the guitarist’s concerned gaze for a couple seconds, and then looking into her tea again.
“I can’t, but don’t tell them yet,” she said, rising and leaving the table and her untouched tea behind.

Emppu figured he had pushed his luck too far already, but felt he had to keep asking her to tell the rest of the band. He wouldn’t allow himself to tell her secret if she didn’t give her permission, and she hadn’t, so the only way to get her to enlighten them was to convince her and he wasn’t going to give up just yet. He knocked on Anette’s door again and asked to be let in, but she wouldn’t reply. As time went on, he began to grow increasingly worried. Who knew what she might have done in there? Who knew if she wasn’t responding out of anger or something worse? As his panic rose, his voice did too, until he found himself yelling through the door for Anette to let him in. Finally he fell silent and leaned his head on the door, ready to admit defeat and prepare himself for the worst. The door suddenly opened and Emppu fell forward onto the small figure of Anette. He caught himself before they both went crashing to the floor and standing up straight, he saw the smallest of smiles on Anette’s face, nearly imperceptible. Had he not seen her disposition this past week, he would not have thought it a smile at all.
“You didn’t say please,” she said, a very faint tone of amusement in her voice. Emppu grinned, relieved to see she was fine, and even more relieved to see her smile, no matter how small that smile was. “Apparently I didn’t need to. You opened the door for me eventually anyway,” he replied in accented English, still grinning from ear to ear. Anette’s smile grew fractionally and she lowered her eyes, as though surprised that she was still able to smile. Then, in an instant, her smile was gone. Emppu knew the moment of happiness would not have lasted, but he was saddened to see it over so quickly. He put an arm across her shoulders and walked into the room, closing the door behind him. She followed with his arm still across her shoulders, face down.

“Anette,” he said as they took a seat on the bed, “You need to tell them as soon as you can.” He found himself saying her name a lot these days when he spoke to her. It wasn’t something he did on purpose, but he remembered reading somewhere that in a crisis, saying someone’s name would calm them. Perhaps it was that knowledge that affected what he said now. It seemed to work, regardless, and it would drag her out of her well of sorrow.

“I know. I will. But I’ll need your help when I do, Emppu.” She said his name frequently when she spoke to him as well, but it seemed to be more to remind herself that he was real and this was the present.

“I’ll help you, Anette, in any way I can.”

Chapter 2

{ January 20, 2008 @ 5:34 am } · { Fellowship }
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2

Tuomas sat in the café at the hotel, sipping a coffee and reading a book. Across the way, Emppu was flirting with the woman at the hotel’s front desk. Marco and Jukka said that they were going to go video game shopping, and Anette was off for a walk. Tuomas enjoyed this café, with its aura of peacefulness, a place to pass the time in a relaxed manner. Looking up from his book, he saw Anette come in, but she was entirely different than she had been when she left. Gone was the cheerfulness that always seemed to flow from her, gone was the strength in her composure. Her shoulders were slumped in what seemed to be defeat and her long black hair covered her face as she watched the floor. Jumping out of his seat, he began to go after her, calling her name.
“Anette!” he cried grabbing her arm to spin her around. She glanced up and Tuomas saw dried blood and smeared mascara before her eyes skittered away and her face was hidden by her hair again. He put a hand on either of her arms and, lowering his voice, asked, “What happened?” She didn’t reply, but he felt her small body tremble with suppressed sorrow.
“I can’t…I can’t talk about it, Tuomas,” she said in her lilting Swedish accent, her voice breaking. She turned from him without looking up and walked slowly, as if in pain, to the elevator. Tuomas’ eyes scanned the room to see if anyone else had seen, but no one was watching except Emppu. Their eyes locked and without a word, Emppu followed Anette, leaving Tuomas standing alone in the lobby.

He was torn between what he should do. He wished he could go talk to Anette, to uncover what had happened and to comfort her, but he had never been great at talking to people. Seeing Anette in such a state distressed him to an extent he could not comprehend, and he couldn’t understand why anyone would do such a thing to such a lovely woman. No, he didn’t know the full story, but he knew she had at least been hit hard enough to break her nose. This hadn’t been because of her new position as lead singer of Nightwish, had it? With abrupt clarity, he remembered Anette saying she had received death threats when she was first announced as lead singer of the band. At the time, he had brushed them off as some people saying things in the heat of the moment. He couldn’t help but believe those threats now, and he worried for Anette’s safety. Look what had happened to her already? The thought of anything worse than what he had seen having happened sickened him and filled him with a mixture of rage towards the person who had harmed her, and sorrow that she had been harmed at all. He decided he had to talk to Anette.

Tuomas stood outside Anette’s door. He could hear the murmur of her and Emppu’s voices, a small sob sometimes punctuating Anette’s phrases. He couldn’t go in there, no. She was too upset, she wouldn’t want to see him, and he would just make things worse. Insecurities about his ability to deal with the problem at hand flooded him and he retreated to the safety of the guys’ room. He lay down on one of the beds, folding his arms over his eyes. He hoped Anette would be fine. He’d never seen her so broken before.

Tuomas, who had apparently dozed off, awoke to the sound of the door closing. He raised his head to see Emppu entering, a pained expression on his face. Sitting up, Tuomas merely watched Emppu for a moment, and the short guitarist returned the look with a gaze full of empathy and hatred. What had happened? Tuomas was desperate to know, but the metal elf’s face told him that there was nothing he would tell. Tuomas decided to ask anyway. Quietly, he asked in breathless Finnish, “What happened to her?”
Emppu shook his head and walked to the window, looking out. He said nothing for while, perhaps lost in thought.
“It’s probably better if you ask her yourself,” he said, responding in kind. He kept his back to the songwriter, so Tuomas couldn’t read his expression. Without saying another word, Emppu turned and walked out of the room.

Anette stayed in her room all night, and when Marco and Jukka returned from videogame shopping, they asked after her. Tuomas said she wasn’t feeling well, but he didn’t know all the details. He figured that was a safe answer, and it seemed to satisfy the other two men, who shrugged and continued chattering about the game they had just bought. Unable to take it any longer, Tuomas left the room, plagued by thoughts of what might have happened to Anette, cursing his own inability to talk about anything with anyone. His bodyguard trailed a respectful distance away, and Tuomas had never been more thankful to have someone watching his back. He walked down the streets of Helsinki, ignoring the fans that came to ask him for a picture or autograph, too absorbed by his thoughts and worries to care. He wanted to say something to Anette, he wanted to know what had happened and to fix it, but he didn’t know how he would do that, what to say, how she’d react. The last thing he wanted to do was to make things worse.

The days passed, and the change in Anette grew more than noticeable. Emppu convinced Ewo to cancel some of the upcoming shows, because the lead singer clearly wasn’t fit to go in front of a crowd of people. Tuomas was tormented by this, by how she didn’t smile anymore and how she never met anyone’s eyes. The woman he knew, had hired and befriended, was completely gone now and replaced by someone who seemed haunted and scarred. Emppu was the only person she would talk to for extended amounts of time, and oftentimes she was crying. Whenever this occurred, Emppu would enfold her in his arms and hold her in a hug until her sobs subsided. Tuomas envied Emppu this ability. He wished he could make it more obvious that he truly cared for his friend and band mate, but every time he approached her, he found himself unable to bring up the incident, whatever that incident was.

Even Marco and Jukka managed to show that they cared, though they had even less idea than Tuomas about what had happened to her. They would speak softly to her, often hugging her with one arm, showing their support. Tuomas noticed the gratitude in Anette’s eyes whenever they did this, and he also noticed how the gratitude was swiftly washed away by…fear. He would watch as her entire body language changed, even in such a brief amount of time, from the person he once knew to the woman terrified of…something. If only he knew what she was afraid of, then maybe he could make it better.

Chapter 1

{ January 18, 2008 @ 6:57 am } · { Fellowship }
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TITLE: Fellowship

AUTHOR: Quutr

DISCLAIMER: This isn’t based on true events. I would be horrified if it was. Nightwish, and Anette, are too awesome to actually have this happen. It is entirely fake, and my writing this in no way expresses a desire for it to happen. Is that clear? Good. And I don’t own the people. Obviously, they are their own individual selves and all the personality traits I apply to them are imagined, since I know none of them personally.

 

1

The miles and Finnish scenery zoomed by past the windows. Anette’s aqua-coloured eyes flicked back and forth as they settled on one thing only to have it out of sight in a matter of moments outside. She leaned her head on the window and continued to watch the road and plants fly by. They were on the way to Helsinki, where they’d be staying for a few days before continuing the tour. It was bound to be an awkward time, though, since Tarja was going to be performing there in those few days. Anette had no issues with Tarja, because she really had no reason to. She hoped Tarja brooked no ill feelings towards her as well, but there was no way to be sure. It was quite probable Tarja would dislike her successor.

Marco was playing his DS in one corner as Emppu napped. Jukka and Tuomas were watching TV. The trips on the bus were very boring, Anette had learned quite early on. Tempers grew short and small personality quirks chafed. Arguments occurred over the smallest of things. Thankfully they were resolved quickly and no hard feelings were held between the members. Truth be told, they all got along really, really well. She raised her head and quickly surveyed the bus before resting it back on the window and closing her eyes. The murmur from the TV and small noises coming from Marco’s videogame, as well as the window vibrating with the movement of the bus on her head, lulled her into a half-sleep, a pleasant state where she wasn’t thinking too hard about anything except how content she was right at that moment. All the hatred fans felt towards her, and the obsessing others did, slipped away. The worry about what Tarja might think of her faded. Her self-criticism disappeared, removing a weight she burdened herself with from her shoulders.

Time went by slowly, and during it, Anette fell asleep. She awoke with a start when the bus jolted to a stop, and she had a brief moment of confusion as she tried to figure out where they were. As she realized that they had arrived in Helsinki, all her self-doubt and anxiety came flooding back to her. She was worried about the reactions here, being that this was, after all, the guys’ mainland, and she was, after all, a Swede. She hid her insecurities, though, behind the smile she always wore. After some time of wearing that smile, she would begin to feel cheerful and confident just as she pretended to be at first, but since it was just beginning, it would take her time to slip into that state of mind. And it was that time that she dreaded most of all on tour. If it weren’t for the amazing fans, she’d be a lot more insecure, she was sure of it. It helped to know that people were supporting her.The band bustled into the hotel with some their bags, the rest being carried by bellboys, and took an elevator up to their rooms. The guys all had one room, and Anette was given an adjoining one. Entering her room, she could hear the guys joking around in Finnish on the other side of the wall (they weren’t quiet, that’s for sure), and she idly wished she had someone to joke around with too. Oh well, it was nice to be alone after having spent all that time together on the bus. She threw her bag onto one of the two queen-sized beds in the room, the one closer to the window, and sat down on the edge of the bed nearer to her. How would she face this? This Finnish crowd that probably mostly hated her, and especially when they’d judge her so highly with Tarja in town. She massaged her temples with thumb and middle finger, sighing wearily and resigned to face bad reactions. She knew this would happen, when she got accepted. She expected it. So why did it still hurt so much?

Deciding she would do some sightseeing, Anette started to leave the hotel, quickly explaining to the guys that she would be fine.
“Alright,” Tuomas mumbled after a small debate, dismissing the bodyguard who would otherwise have followed her subtly in order to protect her should she be attacked.  Anette knew she probably should take the added security, given where she was, but she felt the need to just get away for a bit and not have anyone worrying over her all the time.
“Kiitos,” she said. That was a word she had learned easily and quickly. Tuomas nodded his head in acknowledgement and Anette left.

Things were fine, at first. As she walked through the streets, Anette could sense people watching her, doing double-takes as they realized who she was. She heard some murmuring and wondered, with a pang of panic, whether it was a good thing or a bad thing that they were saying. She gritted her teeth and kept walking. Two young women approached her and asked shyly if they could have a picture. Smiling, genuinely happy that these girls liked her enough to ask, Anette readily agreed, and struck a pose, with an arm around the shoulders of each girl. They stepped away once the picture had been taken, blushing and flustered, and one of them thanked Anette profusely for the great job she was doing in Nightwish and told her that the guys made the perfect choice. Feeling her heart warming at the statement, Anette went to the girl and hugged her tightly, whispering “thank you” in her ear. The girl seemed taken aback as Anette stepped away and, smiling, strolled off. The singer glanced back over her shoulder and saw the young woman looking at her friend, both surprised and ecstatic and unsure how to react. Maybe it wasn’t so bad, dealing with all this crap, this hate, just to make someone feel like those girls did right there.

She wandered off into some quieter parts of the city, and eventually found herself on the edge of a small wood. She supposed then that the hotel wasn’t too close to the centre of town. A small part of her mind warned her that she probably shouldn’t go in there; she shouldn’t even if she weren’t famous. Disregarding the wise part of her brain, though, Anette entered the woods, inhaling deeply the clean scent of wilderness, basking in the warm afternoon sun that caressed her skin as it filtered between the branches. It fuelled her energy and she kept walking further and further into the trees and away from the city. She had thought this was a small wood, but perhaps it wasn’t so small after all. Suddenly, she felt as though someone was watching her and the hairs on the back of her neck rose. She froze in spot, knowing that this would achieve nothing ultimately, but instinctively doing so anyway. She looked around the area she was in, still standing stock still, and she heard a rustling behind her. She started walking, very slowly, making as little noise as possible, telling herself that it was just an animal. She could barely hear anything, now, over the sound of her heart beating in her ears. A twig broke in the distance and, not thinking twice, she broke out at full run straight ahead, knowing she was moving away from where she should be going, back to the city, but unable to convince herself to turn around. Footsteps were following close behind her now, hitting the ground hard as the woman and her pursuer crashed through the underbrush. She felt herself running out of breath and slowing down, even as she heard the person behind her speeding up. Suddenly, she was tackled to the ground from behind, her attacker’s arms gripped around her stomach as she was launched forward, hitting the forest floor with her face, hearing bone crack and seeing blood.

Her attacker flipped her over and through the pain she saw he had short blonde hair and a 5 o’clock shadow, chiseled features, his bright blue eyes paralyzing her with fear. He had one hand over her mouth as his other was undoing her jeans. She tried to scream, but he only laughed and removed his hand.
“Scream all you want, bitch. No one will hear you,” he said, now pinning both her arms above her head with the hand that had been covering her mouth mere moments before. She tried to struggle out of his grasp, but his grip was of steel. He was undoing his own belt buckle now, then zipper. Anette cried out for help, but she knew he was right and that no one would hear her. She stopped shouting and instead focused on keeping him off her. She went to knee him in the groin or stomach, whichever was closer, but he knew it was coming and quickly pushed her leg down.
“Oh, such a feisty one,” he purred, lust glowing in his eyes. He shifted so that he pinned her legs down with his body weight as he finished undoing his pants completely. He then began working on her clothes, and she constantly struggled against him.
“Get off me!” she cried, renewing her efforts. He seemed irritated now and he grabbed her by the throat with his other hand, removing his fingers from her arms. Anette was choking for air, but his grip never wavered. She wrapped her hands around his forearms, willing herself to pull him off her, to get away. Suddenly, a flash of inspiration hit her and drawing on all the strength she had, she scratched him across his cheek with her left hand, drawing blood, such was the force with which she scratched him. He winced and his grip around her throat loosened. She heaved in a breath of air, taking advantage of his temporary distraction and pulling his hand away from her throat, even as she smashed an elbow into his mouth. He cupped his chin and mouth in his hand and Anette pulled herself out from under his body weight, dragging herself back using only her arms. Bringing his hand from his face so that he leaned on both of them on the ground, he smiled, a vicious smile full of ill intent. Blood dribbled down his chin from where Anette had cracked his lip with her elbow, and the scratch marks across his cheeks were red and enflamed.

She tried to stand, to run away, but her legs wouldn’t work and he crawled the few feet between them quickly, his eyes never leaving hers, and they were freezing her, clouding her mind with fear. He drew himself in, closer, until he was right over her, and she was backed up against a tree. She whimpered, felt tears slide down her face, wished that this was a dream. Drawing her legs up to her chest, a final preventative measure, she hugged her knees tightly and squeezed her eyes shut.
“This would be so much easier if you’d just cooperate,” he said. Anette didn’t know if he’d been talking before, but it was the first thing she heard now. “But then again, where’s the fun in that?”
He began to pry her fingers off her legs one at a time, pulling her arms forward and holding them in one hand as he pushed her legs down so that they were flat against the ground. He pulled off her pants and pulled down the thong she was wearing and she squeezed her knees shut tighter. She felt his hands gripping her thighs and she put her hands on his shoulders, pushing against him with all her might, at the same time as she held her legs closed, her muscles aching with the effort. Nothing seemed to be able to stop him, though, and she could feel his fingertips and thumb digging into her as he pulled her legs apart, digging in so deep that it felt as though they would bruise her to the bones. And then, he smiled again, victorious in his quest, and his smile widened as a leaned over and whispered, breath hot in her ear, “Scream for me.” As he said it, he shoved three fingers inside her, and Anette bit her lip to keep from screaming, to keep from doing exactly what he wanted her to do, and the metallic flavour of blood seeped into her mouth. She squeezed her eyes shut against the pain, feeling more tears flowing down her face as her limbs went rigid.
 ”That’s right, bitch,” he crooned as he began moving them in and out. Her entire body screamed against the invasion of her privacy, but it was of no use. The initial shock had temporarily incapacitated her and he had taken advantage of this and removed her shirt. Removing his fingers from inside her, he undid her bra before she recommenced her struggles. Blood was streaming down her face from the broken nose and she was aching from the force of his fingers, but she refused to let that stop her. She started to scratch at his face again, but then he hit her right by her left eye. She saw a flash of white as pain and shock temporarily blinded her, but as soon as it faded, she renewed her efforts. He had her bra off now and was stroking her breasts, which sent shivers of unwelcome pleasure across Anette’s body. Then, without warning, he entered her, sending a sharp pain that shot straight through her. She screamed as loud as she could, a scream and a sob, begged him to leave her be, but he didn’t, and he continued, gripping her wrists above her head, until she felt like there was no life left within her.

She became aware that she was crying, but she didn’t know how long she had been. Her attacker had had his fill of her some time ago and had left her crying, naked and alone in the forest. She sat on the grass, clutching her legs to her chest, and sobbed. She didn’t understand how the sun could still be shining, how the birds could still be singing. Didn’t they know what had just happened? Her body felt bruised and her soul was broken. Before he left, he’d said that she could expect more, and worse. It was with this thought in mind that she painfully put her clothes back on, but before she could leave, she started crying again, falling to the forest floor, sobbing. She didn’t know how she’d face the guys, how she could face anyone. It felt too obvious, like it could be seen in her eyes what had happened here. She didn’t want anyone to know, but she’d have to tell them. They’d wonder about the broken nose and black eye, the bruises around her wrists. She would figure something out, she hoped. Swallowing her sobs, she stood and wiped the tears from her eyes and headed back into the city.